"Gin Please"

Gin..

Dont drink it.

TRUST ME

the day after is NOT pretty.

fuck u gin.

Realisation...

So I decided to test the waters of coming out to my mother this afternoon.

She told me to "go find yourself a girlfriend" i replied with "what if I don’t want a girlfriend" to which I got the response "then that makes you a poofter"

I continue to push the limit of this discussion with "what if I am a poofter huh!" - by this time things should have been VERY clear, at least I would have thought so.

I got the reply "if you’re a poofter then I will disown you"

In a period of 5 mins every piece of my internal being was shattered.

The icing on the cake...everybody seems too busy to listen.

Great. I guess at this point, self reliance in my only option.

Twisted..

Its pathetic when one tries to shift blame.



Observing someone clearly unable to accept that THEY have done something wrong and watching them try to paint a picture of there innocence...is ...well...sad.



Its also confusing.



Its funny how when u request something and you get it, that you can change your mind and realise that its not what you wanted at all. I guess some things arnt like a refundable purchase.

I Dream...

I dream of the day when my body transforms...

I dream of the day when I have someone to throw my arms around them while they cook. Or vice versa.

I dream of the day when someone cares enough...

I dream of the day where I discover my independence..

I dream of the day when I make myself happy..

I dream of the day where one person, just one, will take interest in me. no strings. no lies.

I dream of the day when I get my spark back...

I dream of the day when someone, anyone, will take my hand, give me a hug, and tell me it WILL be ok.

I dream of the day when THEY find out. Is that just a dream?

I dream of the day when someone is able to see through the mask..

I dream of the day when someone will hold my hand under the covers and kiss me goodnight..

I dream of the day when my birthday is about me, not the problems surrounding me..

I dream of the day when I can explore and experience what it means to be gay..

I dream of the day when I think I have more to offer..

I dream of the day where someone will wipe the tear on my face..

I dream of the day where I’m not scared...

I dream of the day I can see the change..

I dream of the day, just one single day, where I can be a little selfish..

I dream of the day where I can attract the people I like..

I dream of the day where I can work all day and still go out somewhere nice at night with mates

I dream of the day when someone thinks I'M the one who is lucky...

Maybe I dream...too much...?

One Step, Two Step...

Im currently sitting here feeling so amazingly constricted its unbelivable!

Today my plan begins - i have forgotten what is feels like to be, what i like to call "indepently amazing"- that is making myself happy.

Im not sure if im prepared for the setbacks, i know their comming - but there is only forward from here. Im doing this.