Teacher's Lesson

I’m not totally sure I should be writing this, in-fact I don’t really know what to Wright...

It’s been just about a year since we last spoke, and still, every now and then, u briefly...appear in my mind. A few short seconds, nothing more. I have not hung on to you, I guess these appearances you have are normal.

This is not an apology, I’m not starting fresh, what I am doing...is not caring anymore. You have become the past and that is where u shall stay. Almost poetic that is was the result of your own actions..

But I don’t understand..Why do u still contact me? What did u want me to say? Yes I’m doing well? Did u expect it would return back to normal? Like nothing ever happened? I’m not a fool that u seemed to take me for.

There are countless things that angered me about those attempts, but listing them would be useless..A waste of time..But I still don’t get it...why did those attempts become apparent in the first place?

I remain silent, because the risk of letting you back in is too high. And the sad thing is...i still don’t think you have realised...where you went wrong.

Such is life. I don’t know if you actually still read this, if u do, answers to these questions would be interesting and appreciated but don’t expect a reply. "We" happened. "We" are the past. I don’t want to go back, I’m a different person now.

Freedom

Freedom..

Its impacts different depending on the intensity to which it is perceived. A concept which contains a different meaning to each individual seeking it.

Freedom is amplified when it is grabbed with one’s own two hands. When an individual steps out of the crowd and chases it down and achieves it.

It is true, the outcome is the same if it is handed too you, but the satisfaction is different.

Freedom brings change. Change on this scale...can only bring good. New possibility.

In this environment...I am someone else..I am one step closer to becoming who I want to be.

I have been climbing this mountain forever, iv stopped and looked to the sky’s...there’s plenty more of this mountain to be climbed..but I can taste it..still leaps and bounds, things to conquer, people to discover...but I can taste it.

Freedom. It’s given birth to my independence. Another weapon I am able to use against these demons.

This sense of independence is driving me, I’m becoming smarter.

My needs are my own responsibility; this bird has well and truly flown the coop. It will never forget its beginnings. That is what has made it who he is today.

Freedom. I got it.

5 Minutes to Midnight

There are 5 mins left until the clock hits midnight..

Why am I worried about u..

This worry..this..fear..it’s not for your physical wellbeing..it’s something I cant put my finger on.

Are we ok? If you ever happen to read this, I want you to know that I’m worried, and that I’ve been too scared to tell you...

I’m questioning my actions.
I am in doubt.
Have I done something wrong?

I feel like u can’t come to me anymore, your presence is welcome, this you know, but your choice is otherwise. Have I taken a backseat to the rest?

Relationships are difficult when you care, I often wonder if you care...like I do..

4 mins..

I miss the conversations we used to have, late nights, topics about nothing, ringing just too see how we each are, those talks about men.

Why do I feel you’re scared to open up to me? ...is there...a secret? Something you’re scared of telling me? Is that a result of my actions? Must I re-evaluate myself? Have I....changed?

A million questions keep running through my head, each new one presents another, it’s a cycle that leads to nothing but confusion and doubt. I want us to go back to where we started; perhaps we both need to be refreshed.

3 mins..

I want nothing but your friendship, but I don’t want that friendship to be disposable. My faith has not disappeared...it is just merely become clouded...perhaps this is a test. This friendship should be strong, it should represent the people we both are.

2 mins..

My biggest fear is...what if this is another mind game I seem to play with myself?...what if I’m wrong? And that everything through your eyes seems ok? Does this mean I have invested too much?

I still see you, this is true, however when we sit and talk, it’s like..You’re not there, it’s like I’m not there...

1 min to go..

A new day begins in less than 60 seconds..

Young man..
You are smart, strong willed, at times stubborn, and full of spirit...if there is something...why must it remain locked inside you? I would not think differently of you.

Your one of few people that would understand my stories.

What are friends for?

Permanent

What does one do when they can’t do anything?

Sitting on nothing more than suspicion, you begin to do your head in. Develop theories, make excuses, lie to yourself... just so it makes sense, just so you know there must be some logic behind it.

Scared. Worried. Two feelings that create one violent cocktail of emotion.

I know something is wrong, you forget I can read u quite well..at least I thought I could. I can’t walk away...I don’t think that was even a possibility.

I remember...long ago...I made you a promise. I told you I would never leave. No matter how hard it got, I was going to always be there. Do you remember?..How often do people tell you that? How rare is it? How valuable?

I know what’s on the surface. I’ve heard you tell me.
But there is something deeper. Something Bigger.

I have always taken comfort knowing I’m not walking down this road on my own.

It scares me how quickly you can forget. I don’t want to be tangible.

The silence is the worst part. I can’t see through a closed door.

This is but a mere bump, I know that, but still... its strong enough to leave you scattered.

Take a step back...one tiny step..and stand there.

We will be fine.

Time Goes On...

It's amazing how much can happen in a year.

It's even more amazing how easily you can forget all those things that have happened until u sit down and really think about it. Lost Love. Lost Chances. Wrong Choices. Right Choices.

Memories are indeed a double edge sword. Like candy they often range from sweet to sour.

You have those moments where your speeding through life, taking each day as it comes and then it happens...your stopped by something small, something you totally forgot existed, but there is it is, sitting right in front of you. A picture, a number, a message, a letter, a name...

It’s funny how something so small, and probably insignificant to the rest of the world, can stop you in your tracks for that split second. Long enough for you to remember. Maybe its life's way of keeping you grounded....

Conversation

With my sister.

Me: How do i look?

Sister: You look like a well dressed gay, how come i cant be a well dressed gay?

Me: Because your a lesbian...

the next 5 mins was just us swearing at each other.

Conversation

An actual conversation heard on the public transport of Sydney

Girl: I was thinking about going to the beach tomorrow

Friend: Oh really?

Girl: Yea, but i'm not sure what time it opens..


idiots.