Lets Not Wang Chung Tonight

I keep neglecting this thing but i think its time for another serious one..damn it..YES I NEED TO VENT ONCE AGAIN... i promise ill do something funny/positive soon

but unfortunately ..iv been left with my thoughts..yep..just ME and my THOUGHTS...

i dont know what it is about this holiday period..ESPECIALLY the last couple of nights, iv been amazing during the day but when it comes close to the evening ..i just feel..really strange.

its like and awkward, uncomfortable loneliness or boredom - i cant seem to decide what it is.. but its strange.

what i have been meaning to do is to create like an anonymous expression - if that makes any sense hahaha, let me explain, basically u choose a certain number of friends and u anonymously Wright about them, no names, nothing - seeing as im board ill do that now.

ok so Number 1.

You have to be one of the coolest, most intriguing individuals i know, and i say that with no reservations or doubt in my mind, i think u are indeed one of a kind. It took me a while to begin to grasp the type of person u are, and still now i get confused about the things u say haha, but i secretly hide that confusion because i think it makes me look cooler in front of you. I know growing up people may have misunderstood you, but your the exact kind of person i would make friends with, and im happy i have, i love your attitude, your humour, and your enthusiasm to just do things, i guess u can be called inspirational hahaha but i think if people took the time to stop and discover that you would be one VERY popular guy, im SO glad i took the time to get to know you. I suspect your the type of person that doesn’t like to get too deep or express a lot of inner feelings, and i think that’s why i get a little confused about where i stand from your point of view, but that’s ok, because i see it as another thing i can eventually learn about u. I probably already touched on this, but really, u have to be one of the funniest guys iv ever chatted to :-)

Number 2.

Oh where the hell do i even start with you, it will probably be a long time till you actually read this, and by the time you do i pray to god that everything between us will be more than perfect, again that’s a gamble that I’m going to have to take, but deep down, i secretly think that everything will turn out ok. You have absolutely been there for me every time i have felt down, every time iv felt high (NO NOT THAT KIND OF HIGH) lol and just there in general. YOU are one of my closest friends and i think you absolutely AMAZING, there are a million people in this world that will never ever be able to experience the kind of happiness that you can give someone and im going to be selfish and say i don’t give a fuck, iv experienced it and i love it, and im REALLY glad i know its there. If you are reading this, then i apologise for ever being nasty (in a fun way) and more than likely im still being a prick lol but i think its something awesome, because were so comfortable with each other we know never ever to take it to heart, this is probably the softest side you will ever see of me - so cherish it haha, if no one else is proud of you - i am :-)
i love you to death - but in saying that, man you can be annoying hahahaha i think iv worked out how to achieve the exact amount of you i can handle and everything will be ok - in true fashion of our extremely unique relationship i want you to know this - im wrighting your section on the toilet lol - and im loving every second of it. :-P. There are alot of people or dont understand the kind of person you are, and im glad i do. Your randomness, your drive to do what you like is what im in love with. Dont change. EVA! :-)

Number 3.

BOY am i glad i got to know you. I have to say this....

YOU
ARE
AMAZING

in my opinion, we have become such close friends in just over a year, i love listening to your problems, i love giving you advice, i love having someone there that i can share my experiences with and i think that to an extent that you feel the same. i cant get over how good of a guy you have been to me and all you have done is just listen. secretly you motivate me, you make me want to live a healthy lifestyle, u make me want to make others live a healthy lifestyle and that’s such a good thing seeing as your career will sort of be based on that. Its working, and i would imagine there is no better feeling than knowing that your achieving EXACTLY what you want to achieve. I don’t think you should ever doubt yourself, not for a second, because there are a million people on this earth that would absolutely die to be in your position, and i mean that in a positive way. YOU are one of VERY FEW PEOPLE IN THIS WORLD that have the ability to keep my attention on the basis of personality alone, your bestie is the same and im glad i have the opportunity to get to know the both of you. Im willing to gamble that where going to be friends for many years to come - i want to say i am SO glad/thankful/happy that i get to spend time with you now. :-). You are indeed great value. I consider u family, its unbelivable how much you have actually made me grow up. I like it, love it even. keep doing what your doing :-)

Number 4.

YOU *points*

ahh.. you can be silly sometimes, but i forgive you, we have a mutual banter between both of us and i love it, i think sometimes we both do the wrong things to each other, but we get over it and we continue on our way, i admire alot of things about you, but especially your passion, you have drive, and i love it, i don’t admire passion alot, but there is something about you that makes me want to stick around :-), ur special to me, and im trying to work out how i can distinguish you from the rest but i cant, because everyone i listed is on the same level, and trust me when i say this, that level is incredibly high. (does that even make sense lol), i understand the kind of lifestyle you lead, i think sometimes you can be forgetful, and im not sure if u can read into me properly - but for the most part - im so happy i know you, i really am, you make me fill good, and im glad iv got someone like you around. if i could i would hug u right now :-)


Number 5. -


I have to be honest with you. Im proud, amazed, shocked, discusted, and a little worried about you. I know you better than anyone one, i know your thoughts, what turns you on, what makes you laugh. I KNOW YOU. Im amazed at how much u have changed, im proud that u have turned into someone mature and able to handle an abnormal amount of stress, i love how you have an amazing balance of maturity and immaturity, BUT I HATE how u can screw alot of simple things up, i hate how you can be unmotivated when it counts i hate the fact that i hate things about you, because i shouldn’t, and i think its time that changed, there are days where i secretly love you, and then there are days where i get so annoyed at you, but i dont let people know. Naturally i want nothing more than for you to be happy, and i think its amazing how outgoing you can be, despite not receiving a whole bunch in return. I think i hold a lot of things against you and for that im sorry, i don’t mean to and i think its time i stopped doing that. Im proud of where you are today and i know you will be happy where ever you end up. :-)

Im sorry, from here on it can only get better right?


Ok so this was interesting, BUT it helped hahaha

im amazed at how deep i can be..ew.. lol


anyways i think this has gone on long enough


PEACE OUT MOTHER FUCKERS!

HERES JOHNNY!

IM BACK!

It’s been a while since the last time i actually wrote anything and i promise..its been for VERY VERY GOOD REASONS..

ok iv been lazy..don’t judge me ..haha

So quite a bit has happened since the last time i was actually here.. new year..Christmas..Updates on Kyle..and a burned down house..FUN! lol

sooo lets start with the holidays

they were..predictable .. (i should probably warn u that I’m extremely exhausted right now and ill probably end up drifting off somewhere)

I celebrated Christmas eve with the family.. it was ok until my auntie (arah she so annoying..she has toes like shriek..and she’s KEEN on wearing open shoes ...every time i see her I’m like GURL ARE U TRIPPIN..in my mind of course.. if i said that out loud she would probably have a heart attack lol.. it reminds me of that time when i was like 5 and i called her a beast, it was so funny, she bitched about it for years haha.) Anyway this auntie sneezed in me and made me sick

i woke up to a fucken AWSOME new tv though haha MEERY CHRISTMAS TO ME!!

ahh actual Christmas day was fun.. u know that bitch sister i mentioned, if i haven’t ill do it, she ended up coming in my room, laying on my bed, and kicking me in the ribs....but don’t worry i bit her so now were even lol

its the classic Christmas day -siblings violently hurting each other HAHA

new years was alright i guess..i was in a club - missed what was supposed to be the best fireworks ever and got drunk GO THE NEW YEAR!!

now kyle..oh where the hell do i begin..what the hell do i say hmm

ok..so were not so much on anymore..and its weird..Because every time i think i about it it makes me miss it a little more - but i guess that’s normal, well at least i hope it is. The last discussion we had about it was over breakfast, it was his decision i guess and i guess untimely he diddent feel the same way. i defiantly fought for it but then eventually realised there is no point making a jackass out of myself.

im very hesitant to label what we had just because i guess I’m confused about it

hes actually moved on ....TWICE!!!! lol - im not sure EXACTLY how i feel about the whole thing, don’t get me wrong, i defiantly want him to be happy. But at the same time i think he talks about these new guys he can be completely oblivious to how it comes off.

there are extraordinarily deep feelings i have about the whole thing and i guess i hold back just to keep the piece - it extremely hard to explain just how i feel about it - its like a mix of me wanting him to have it but at the same time i want to still be acknowledged - i dunno to me not even that sounded right.

however its now been months ..in fact AGES since it happened and were firmly good mates..even though i get ignored sometimes!!! - without sounding like a little arrogant 18 year old prick i think there are a lot of things he can still learn about the whole thing - but again its in the past.

its hard to explain the things that happened without making him seem like the bad guy - and i dont want to be THAT person that paints someone a particular way (unless im totally bitching about them..then its ok ..duh)

i could literally talk about him for days, just because i guess hes been the first real guy that’s liked be back "in that way", i could be alot of things in relation to this WHOLE issue, i could be totally sour and bitch about him to the cows come home, and that little bastard part of me does want to sometimes, but i want to just leave it.


there are also 2 INCREDIBLY AWSOME friends that i have that have been nothing short of ..well...awesome hahaha but ill mention them some other time.

thats pretty much all that’s been happening since the last post - well all i can remember anyway haha



peace out mother fuckers


xox