HERES JOHNNY!

IM BACK!

It’s been a while since the last time i actually wrote anything and i promise..its been for VERY VERY GOOD REASONS..

ok iv been lazy..don’t judge me ..haha

So quite a bit has happened since the last time i was actually here.. new year..Christmas..Updates on Kyle..and a burned down house..FUN! lol

sooo lets start with the holidays

they were..predictable .. (i should probably warn u that I’m extremely exhausted right now and ill probably end up drifting off somewhere)

I celebrated Christmas eve with the family.. it was ok until my auntie (arah she so annoying..she has toes like shriek..and she’s KEEN on wearing open shoes ...every time i see her I’m like GURL ARE U TRIPPIN..in my mind of course.. if i said that out loud she would probably have a heart attack lol.. it reminds me of that time when i was like 5 and i called her a beast, it was so funny, she bitched about it for years haha.) Anyway this auntie sneezed in me and made me sick

i woke up to a fucken AWSOME new tv though haha MEERY CHRISTMAS TO ME!!

ahh actual Christmas day was fun.. u know that bitch sister i mentioned, if i haven’t ill do it, she ended up coming in my room, laying on my bed, and kicking me in the ribs....but don’t worry i bit her so now were even lol

its the classic Christmas day -siblings violently hurting each other HAHA

new years was alright i guess..i was in a club - missed what was supposed to be the best fireworks ever and got drunk GO THE NEW YEAR!!

now kyle..oh where the hell do i begin..what the hell do i say hmm

ok..so were not so much on anymore..and its weird..Because every time i think i about it it makes me miss it a little more - but i guess that’s normal, well at least i hope it is. The last discussion we had about it was over breakfast, it was his decision i guess and i guess untimely he diddent feel the same way. i defiantly fought for it but then eventually realised there is no point making a jackass out of myself.

im very hesitant to label what we had just because i guess I’m confused about it

hes actually moved on ....TWICE!!!! lol - im not sure EXACTLY how i feel about the whole thing, don’t get me wrong, i defiantly want him to be happy. But at the same time i think he talks about these new guys he can be completely oblivious to how it comes off.

there are extraordinarily deep feelings i have about the whole thing and i guess i hold back just to keep the piece - it extremely hard to explain just how i feel about it - its like a mix of me wanting him to have it but at the same time i want to still be acknowledged - i dunno to me not even that sounded right.

however its now been months ..in fact AGES since it happened and were firmly good mates..even though i get ignored sometimes!!! - without sounding like a little arrogant 18 year old prick i think there are a lot of things he can still learn about the whole thing - but again its in the past.

its hard to explain the things that happened without making him seem like the bad guy - and i dont want to be THAT person that paints someone a particular way (unless im totally bitching about them..then its ok ..duh)

i could literally talk about him for days, just because i guess hes been the first real guy that’s liked be back "in that way", i could be alot of things in relation to this WHOLE issue, i could be totally sour and bitch about him to the cows come home, and that little bastard part of me does want to sometimes, but i want to just leave it.


there are also 2 INCREDIBLY AWSOME friends that i have that have been nothing short of ..well...awesome hahaha but ill mention them some other time.

thats pretty much all that’s been happening since the last post - well all i can remember anyway haha



peace out mother fuckers


xox