Demons

Empty. Isolated. Deserted. Weak. Raw

I stand here completely alone. There is no worse feeling.

The people I thought would be standing next to me are gone - the people that I do have could not comprehend the internal battle inside my mind.

My whole life I have been the rock, now it’s happening, something I thought would never occur. The rock is begging to crack.

I feel lost. I’m attacking myself. This must stop.

I feel I am facing my demons all at once, there strength is unbelievable, I am one person. How can I win?

I feel as though I am standing in the middle of a field, shrouded in darkness, I want someone to care, I want someone to reach out, but how can I expect that when I know the people that are the closest to me turn their backs.

The truth is ...no one can really help, which is scary. They can listen, they can understand, they can sympathise - but they can’t make it go away.

I refuse to talk out loud. I don’t want to be THAT person. I don’t want to be THAT guy with THOSE problems. It makes it harder. I don’t want to be a burden.

I refuse to throw the towel in. Not like them. I know the effects of that. It’s not an option.

I feel like I’m on my knees, cut up, bruised, attacked, ruined, angry, yelling into the darkness.

I’m insecure about myself - its changing - but that process is hard when u have no one. It’s even harder when they tell you it’s silly, useless.

I desire the stereotype. I want someone to focus on me. To care. To go out of there way to prove they care. To move me. Inside.

I want them to express how proud they are. In words

I want them to tell me they love me. It has gotten to the point where I can’t remember the last time I heard them say those words. That wound is deep. You have no idea how much that would mean to me. You have no idea how much that would lift me up. You have no idea.

Tears would run down my face. I question if they would reach out or stand at a distance and question what was wrong.

I don’t want to always rely on myself. I fear that would make me cold

There are those few. They’re the only source of light I can see. I value them beyond belief. Thank you.

I give. Possibly too much. Is it possible to find people that are as considerate?

It is true. Nice guys always finish last. Maybe if i knew what was wrong with me i could change it.

Sometimes people need others to hold their hands. Even if it is for a moment.

The mind can be your best friend and your greatest enemy. Nothing is stronger.

I doubt they have realised they have left. I don’t want to be forgettable.

Fairytale endings. Are they just a fairytale?

I’m over waiting. I can be told a million times that there is nothing wrong with me - are they being honest - or are these just words that are designed to put a smile on my face.

Do I enter the darkness?

It's much deeper than you will ever know

I have a plan.