So here we are..

So here we are.

The last place, the last time, the last opportunity for us to be together. Words want to spill out, but they won’t.

How do you say goodbye when you don’t want to?
How do you say goodbye when all you want is for them not to be alone?

I can’t leave you to fight this on your own. To walk away and turn my head and see you there. alone. I would not wish that on my worst enemy.

How do you prepare to let go?

I am scared. I am scared of letting go of your hand, I am scared of knowing that your slipping away. I am scared for the person I might become.

Recovery is a long process. Who you might become at the end of it is a worrying thought.

To be alone with you in that room is an experience. To hear the constant beeps of the machines. To see you in pain. To know my time is limited. Kills me inside.

I want to do more. I want everything to go back to normal. It won’t. I can’t.

Tears now run down my face. I am lost. To see you - reminds me. It reminds me of the things I haven’t dealt with. It becomes a vicious cycle.

I feel like life is designed to constantly test me. You begin to doubt yourself. Iv done this before, it gets worse not better. How much more can I possibly take? How many more blows can i handle?

We all surround you, holding you, making sure you know were here. To be asked to say my final goodbyes destroys me.

To watch your daughter refuse to let go, deepens the wounds I already have. I will take care of her. I promise.

The pressure is immense. I’m exhausted. I’m trying. If I don’t who will?

To come home, alone, and sit in a room in silence, is one of the hardest things i have ever had to do. To cry yourself asleep provides your only outlet.

I want someone to throw their arms around my head and just let me cry. Someone to tell me that one day it WILL be ok. I know I’m strong...but I’m not invincible.

This is a different journey for me. No one knows what it’s like.

Goodbye makes it permanent. Goodbye makes it too real.